System Error
by Chezmonkey
Summary: A sort of "Self Insertion," except with an OC instead. Heaven is crashing, and an unlikely and slightly unwilling hero is sent to find the needed parts to fix the problem... even though he doesn't have a clue how to do so. First Fanfic Hiatus
1. Prologue

"System Error"

Pre-note:

To start, I'll get the obligatory "first fanfic" out of the way, as this is indeed my first story to be posted here. I've been inspired greatly by a few of the authors on this site, specifically "MetroAnime" and "Skysaber," and I love to read their works. Unfortunately, they've moved on to *hopefully* bigger and better things, and left behind great works, though some unfinished. So if you've not already guessed, this is going to be similar to their works... but with my own personal twist. The main hero doesn't have my name and doesn't do what I do. He won't get a lot of help, and he's, unfortunately, hopeless when it comes to romance. My hope with this story is to make a tale that will make some laughs and possibly a tear or two, while I struggle to write an actual story. I think this is long enough, so let's get right into a strange crossover tale of adventure, with some unfortunate consequences to boot.

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Disclaimer: This is a fan-written work of fiction, purely for non-commercial entertainment purposes. All characters and ideas within are righted to their respective owners.

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Prologue

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Sometimes a bad day starts because of bad luck. You get your hair wet, or your dog barfs on you, or you get lost on your way to school. Other times, people cause a bad day, when they're mean or vicious. However, sometimes a bad day starts when an event beyond your control takes your life and turns it upside down. Jack Borne, a private P.I. in residential Boston, was about to have a really, really bad day of the third kind.

The day had started out alright. Wake up, shower, check the messaging machine, then lounge about for a while waiting for work. On a good day, work would show up sometime in the afternoon, in the form of an old lady looking for her lost cat, or a man or woman worried their spouse was cheating on them. Of course, they usually were, but if he shared THAT little secret, he'd be out of a steady income. So, he'd nap the mornings, work the afternoons, and go out for takeout in the evenings. Today had been no different, especially when the old lady had just forgotten the cat in a closet in her house. So it was that he was on his way home from the Chinese place down the block that the day took a turn for the worse.

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Normally, when a swirling blue vortex opens up on the crosswalk, You'd avoid it, or stare at it, or even call the City Works to find out what it was. Unfortunately for Jack, when it opened it opened right where his foot was heading, too fast to be stopped. As his foot began to vanish to who knows where, the only thing that went through Jack's mind was 'I hope I didn't leave the stove on...' which while odd, was surprisingly reasonable. With a sound suspiciously like a drain gurgle, the vortex vanished, leaving behind an empty side walk in Boston, bathed in the faint light of the fading dusk.

Normally when one goes plunging into a vortex, they expect to pop out of the other end in a graceful, dignified fall. Not shoot out of a decorative fountain with the force of a cannonball, only to come shooting back down into the decorative pool that surrounded it. Of course, one doesn't normally expect to be unintentionally plunged into a vortex, but there still were some expectations.

Jack sat up and shook his head, droplets of water cascading from his brown hair as he tried to figure out just where the heck he was. He gave himself a quick checkover as he got out of the fountain.

'Hair check, jeans, check, jacket, check, fedora... crap, where's that gone!' Jack thought, taking a quick look around... and then prying his chin off the floor as he continued to stare at the amazing sights around him. Heavenly clouds drifted overhead in a serene light, while white marble streets stretched before him and golden lampposts lit up gold-veined sidewalks. What looked like decorative statues seemed to be plopped on the sidewalks and streets here and there.

'Wherever I am, it certainly ain't Boston' He thought sarcastically, Spotting his black fedora laying on the doorstep of a small building in a nearby alleyway, between some ice-cream place and a gym. He quickly moved to grab it, ignoring the statues that seemed to be staring at him from every corner.

Despite the fact that it was surprisingly unwrinkled, Jack made sure to give it a proper shake out before gently plopping it on his head; after all, P.I.'s needed to have a fedora, right? It was sort-of like a dress code. Taking a look at the neon sign above the door, he gave a snort of disbelief.

"Rival Relief Office? Sounds like a quick-cash scam to me." Jack muttered, before noticing a flickering light inside, the only he'd seen on the streets surrounding it. Giving a shrug, he knocked on the door, then opened it and stepped inside. Ignoring the vast piles of clutter, garbage, and the occasional odd gadget, he made his way to a back room, from which a bright ray of light was emerging from under the door. Stepping quietly, Jack turned the doorknob and slowly opened the door.

Whatever he'd expected, it hadn't been this. He was hoping to find someone working late who could tell him where the heck he was, seeing as he hadn't seen anyone on the streets. Instead, his vision was assaulted by a large computer array, with bright screens shining from several angles, and one of those weird statues he'd seen outside sitting in a chair before them, a look of confusion on it's face. As Jack moved to inspect the strange statue, his foot caught on a loose cable, and he tripped, his hand slamming down on a nearby keyboard as he steadied himself. He had barely enough time to see the screen clear from saying "System Failure" before waving bands of light erupted from the display, and he vanished once more in an eruption of light, the statue's eyes glinting sharply before things settled once more.

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Jack blinked. Then, he blinked again, and again, and again. He was sitting on a plateau of pure whiteness, stretching as far as the eye could see, and undisturbed except by the strange blue lady who was at that moment floating gently in front of him. She certainly looked beautiful, with kind features and a pleasant smile. Still, you could never be too cautious, especially since normal ladies weren't a sky blue, didn't float, and weren't see through.

"Hello! I am Belldandy, First-Class Goddess Unlimited License, and I am here to guide you through the current emergency through a serious of pre-recorded messages." The blue lady suddenly said, shocking Jack as he started to stand up, and slid back down to the floor. 'First Relief agencies, now Goddesses?' Jack though disbelievingly, trying to stand. As he did so a chair appeared out of nowhere, giving him a place to thankfully collapse into as the hologram, as he now assumed it must be, floated a little close.

"Did you say emergency?" Jack asked, trying figure just what the heck was going on. This definitely wasn't Boston, and it seemed to him he was a little out of his depths, after all he was a PI, not a police officer.

"Yes, Emergency!" the Belldandy image said cheerfully, smiling at him. "Approximately 6.25 days ago, someone stole the Central Core Program of the Yggdrasil system, resulting in a cascading failure that caused the Ultimate Force to run rampant, resulting in widespread destruction and death!"

Somehow, Jack thought it a little bit creepy that the image of such a nice lady could say something so terrible in such an upbeat and cheerful way. Just as he was about to ask what she meant by that, the name clicked in his head. "Wait a sec, did you say your name was Belldandy? As in, the Goddess Belldandy?" he asked, blanching a little. He recognized the lady now, the splitting image of the character from the anime he'd watched a few years ago. He had a lot of time in the mornings, so he watched anime and read manga to pass the time. He never expected he'd ever really need the knowledge in them, and began to wish he'd payed closer attention.

"Yes, I am Belldandy, Goddess First Class Unlimited License," the image said, smiling at him. "Unfortunately, due to growing errors in the system, our time is short. The CCP has been located in three different time-lines, split into three different parts. You are asked to find the first fragment, and return here. Will you help?" Belldandy looked at him, eyes pleading for him to say yes, as he struggled to wrap his mind around what she was saying.

"So, basically, you want me to find this "CCP," wherever it is, in order to stop Heaven from "crashing" and destroying the world, right?" Jack asked, semi-sarcastically. "Fine, whatever. If you'll send me home afterwords, I'll do that. After all, I have nothing better to do, do I." He indicated the vast whiteness around them, and as he was starting to stand up the image nodded and said, in a robotic tone, "Your Request has been submitted. Beginning Dimensional Transfer to TM-RN-OMG 295501003." Before he could even blink, he was gone once more, vanished into the eddies of time, and sent on the beginning of a long, perilous adventure.

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Reviews welcome, Critiques encouraged, Flamers ignored

I hope that this was a suitable prologue, at least for a first story. It may be a while before I post the first chapter, as I'm not a fast writer and I'm very busy. Think in a few weeks.

Happy Easter!


	2. Hello, Japan!

A/N:

In honor of my first review, one of the (probably) very few review replies I'll do.

ecchansama- Stupid? Probably! Brave? Only on Thursdays... Crazy? I'll let you know when the tests come back in!

I'm VERY, very aware of the S.I. "trap" (or "tarp," depending). Little Jack is NOT prepared in any sense of the word for what's going to happen, and will make plenty of mistakes. I hope.

As for the prologue... Well, it was my very first. I may end up, months later, re-reading it and have a brain blast for a better one. It all depends on where the story takes me (and you guys, of course!)

Oh yeah, almost forgot: First Timeline, Ranma-Oh_My_Goddess (and possibly others)

Disclaimer: This is a fan-written work of fiction, purely for non-commercial entertainment purposes. All characters and ideas within are righted to their respective owners.

Chapter 1: Hello, Japan!

"For the love of... does that holo-thingy not know what 'sarcasm' is? I swear, the next time I meet that thing..." Jack grumbled angrily, picking himself up off the concrete sidewalk where he'd landed. Apparently, he was down an alley of some sort, tucked away from the main roads. he'd almost begun to have hope that he'd returned to good old Boston, when he saw a sign hanging off of a local business. 'Japan! She sends me to fricking JAPAN? Why, for the love of god, Japan?' He groaned and rubbed his eyes, trying to will away the fact that he was now in Japan, a foreign country, with no identification and no way to understand the locals. He guessed that, at best, they'd deport him back to the States. At worst, they'd try him for being a foreign spy and execute him. Yeah, not the best situation to be in.

Deciding that just standing in a dark, dank alley was going to get him nowhere, he started to squeeze out of the alley barely making it out onto the sidewalk of one of the nearby roads before he tripped over a cardboard box that had managed to place itself directly in his path. Groaning some choice words about boxes and their crusade to cause him pain, he once more sat up, and looked at the dastardly object. It was a typical cardboard box, in that it was brown, cube-shaped, and had flaps on the top. It was NOT a typical box in that it had his name, in big bold font, on every side. Somewhat wary of a strange box somehow knowing his name, he picked up a nearby stick and gently lifted one of the flaps. Seeing a small swatch of black cloth, he did the same to the other flaps, and took a peek inside.

The contents weren't _quite_ as spectacular as he'd hoped. What looked like a bluetooth headset sat on a folded black bundle. Picking up the headset, he stuck it into one of his pockets, and grabbed the bundle. Unfolding it, he held it up in front of him, revealing it to be a large black trench-coat, and incidentally causing a strange object to clatter onto the pavement of the sidewalk. Setting aside the coat, he bent down and picked up the strange object on the ground. 'Funny, for a moment there this looked almost exactly like a...' he started to think, then dropped it onto the coat like it was a red hot coal. 'A Wilks 320 LASER PISTOL? That shouldn't even exist. Great, just great! Can't speak a word of the language, no papers, foreign, and now carrying a fictional weapon of potentially mass destruction!' Jack started to hyperventilate a little, imagining scary squinty-eyed officials questioning him over and over in a small, scary room. Thankfully, his survival instinct kicked in after a few minutes and made him grab the coat and gun and shuffle back into the deserted alley. He managed to calm down after a few more minutes, and tried to think rationally. While he made his vain attempts to rationalize carrying a fictional weapon, he examined the trench coat in the hopes that it would provide some sort of answers.

It was black, and unsurprisingly a perfect fit. He wondered why, and more importantly _who_ had sent him the items. He eventually came to the conclusion that the holo-lady had sent him the items, in an attempt to cause him even more trouble. He felt around the inside, and after discovering several strange pockets and loops slid the Wilks into the coat's hidden holster. After he'd settled all of the supplies, he walked out of the alley and down the street, tipping his ever-faithful fedora to hide his face. Jack needed to get some answers, and the best way to do that was to figure out just where exactly he'd been sent. Of course, not being able to read the street signs didn't really help much. He trudged onward for most of the afternoon, taking this turn and that, passing by gated high schools and old ladies throwing ladles of water. He actually stopped to look at that for awhile, getting the strange feeling that it was a rather familiar sight. Still, he chalked it down to coincidence and continued onward. He almost made it to the end of the block before he heard a soul-chilling cry, almost like the declaration of a fight. Not being one to ignore trouble, he quietly drew the Wilks and ran in the direction of the cry. Hearing the sounds of an intense battle, he rounded a corner and paused, shocked.

A huge plume of dust rose from the remains of a wall, which from the looks of it had been smashed outwards quite forcefully. Peering through the hole, however, was what had truly shocked Jack. A black-haired boy wearing a sleeveless red shirt and silk pants faced off against a yellow-shirted boy with a dotted headband. In short, Ranma vs. Ryouga. Despite the fact that he'd stumbled upon a scene from one of his favorite animes, the truly shocking fact was that everyone, from Ranma, to Ryouga, to Akane who stuck her head out from behind the wall, looked to be a bit older than they were supposed to be. Nonetheless, he realized that they were both still in fighting stances, about to begin another barrage of attacks.

Quickly, thankful for the fact he'd taken some shooting lessons for his last birthday, he fingered the trigger and fired a shot at the ground between the two. It was almost perfect, as the blast hit directly between the two. It WOULD have been perfect, if not for one thing. The blasts from that particular gun were meant to pierce super-heavy armor. The shot burned straight through the ground, deep into the earth causing everyone there to stare at the large scorched hole then look back at Jack. Jack shrugged, blew on the tip of the pistol (after putting the safety back on, of course), and stuffed it back in the holster. "Well... howdy!" Jack assumed that the blank stares they gave him meant that no, they didn't magically speak English. At least, not as a first language.

-Who the heck is he!- cried Akane, finger pointing accusingly. Ranma and Ryouga both looked at each other, shrugged, and then looked back at the man who'd blown a hole into the back lawn with a strange shaped device. As one, they leaped through the air directly at him, and gave him a double-flying kick into the dirt. They didn't know what strange artifact the man had used to focus that much energy, but figured that, like most things, he'd end up fighting them and they wanted the first strike. What they didn't expect was the nasty *crack* sound that came from his chest when they knocked him into the dirt. It had almost sounded like a few ribs breaking, but any martial-artist worth his salt should've been able to take those attacks no problem. It wasn't even a full third of their true power.

Jack, who'd been starting to edge away from the awkward scene, suddenly found himself smashed into the ground at high speeds, his chest ablaze with pain. Gasping, trying to recover his breath, he pushed the two shocked teens off of him, and felt for his ribs. "Who the HECK gives a guy a kick as a welcome?" he wheezed, trying to maintain his focus through the wash of pain. Ironically, he realized that those two actually did give kicks as welcomes, and groaned. Fumbling for a handhold, he shakily dragged himself up to his feet, and looked down at his chest. Other than a few bruises and lumps, it looked fine. He reached behind and felt at his back, where a truly burning pain was starting to make itself known. His fingers scratched his skin slightly, before making purchase on a solid object, which was not supposed to be there. He looked at where the two martial artists were dusting themselves off and getting ready for another fight, and said a single, weak word before falling face forward, revealing one of his ribs showing through his back. "Doctor..."

To be continued!

I don't know if this is too short or not, but it's as much as I can stay focused enough to do. If anyone wants to beta, feel free to let me know, but know that I don't work too fast (unless I get hit on the head by le muse and dragged back with an idea).

If you're wondering, the gun is a Wilks 320 Laser Pistol from one of my favorite RPGs. Rifts© By Palladium.

Reviews welcome, Critiques encouraged, Flamers ignored


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